If Only I’d Known: How to Outsmart Narcissists, Set Guilt-Free Boundaries, and Create Unshakeable Self-Worth

This therapist-written and recommended 3-part book will help you understand the inner workings of a narcissist, heal from narcissistic abuse, and experience sustainable post-traumatic growth.

In relationships, have you ever found yourself:

• Feeling like something is “off,” but not being able to explain why?
• Leaving conversations feeling more confused than when you started them?
• Mentally rehearsing the “best” way to bring something up so your partner won’t get mad?
• Constantly ruminating on how to “make sense” of what you feel and what’s happening?
• Trying every communication strategy, but nothing seems to work?
• Feeling “not enough” no matter how hard you try?

Narcissistic abuse creates a tidal wave of confusion, hypervigilance, and overthinking. You have trouble thinking clearly, remembering things, or taking in new information. You feel frazzled, foggy, and flawed.

And because these changes are happening to you—you begin to wonder:

What’s wrong with me?
Why can’t I make this relationship work?
Am I fundamentally broken?

And that’s exactly how narcissistic abuse works—it happens so subtly that you believe the insecurities you’re experiencing are “you” instead of “what’s happening” to you.

You think there’s something wrong with you.
You think you need to change or get better.
You think they’ll grow out of it.
You think no one else understands.

Narcissistic abuse is a multilayered attack on your sense of self—a dismantling of who you are and what you believe you’re worth.

This book covers unique information related to narcissistic abuse, including:

• How different narcissistic types love bomb
• Cognitive, emotional, behavioral, and physiological warning signs that you’re being abused
• How and why narcissistic trauma bonds form and the process to untangle yourself from these binding relationships
• How to set boundaries even if you’re an empath or highly sensitive person
• The most common reasons you stay stuck and how to get “unstuck”

If you’ve ever wondered:

How did I get into this relationship?
I didn’t experience an intense love-bombing phase—are they still a narcissist?
I’m such a people pleaser—how can I set better boundaries?
What if healing isn’t possible for me?
I feel so lost and broken—where do I even start?

This book is for you!

Praise for If Only I’d Known!

“Chelsey Cole’s book on narcissistic abuse is an exceptional and empathetic guide, offering deep insights and compassion for those on a journey of understanding and healing. The author effortlessly breaks down complex concepts, making them accessible and relatable to survivors who are grappling with the aftermath of narcissistic abuse. For anyone in search of clarity, healing, and a renewed sense of hope, this book is an absolute must-read.” -Tracy Malone, Author, Founder of NarcissistAbuseSupport.com, International Coach, and Speaker

“Chelsey provides compassion, insight, and guidance on every page. Readers will feel like they have a true friend walking alongside them every step of the way.” -Jenn Granneman, Founder of IntrovertDear.com and co-author of SENSITIVE

“This book feels like coffee with a compassionate friend combined with therapy by a wise and experienced counselor. Get a copy for yourself and everyone in your life you want to protect!” -Holley Gerth, Wall Street Journal Bestselling Author of The Powerful Purpose of Introverts